In my last post I shared 3 warning signs of toxic relationships. In today’s post, I will share tips for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in order to avoid toxic relationships. Once we understand common strategies used in toxic relationships, we can become intentional in guarding ourselves against them.
Setting a Foundation for Healthy Boundaries:
1. Know Your Values
- In order to set boundaries, you need to know (and be able to share) your personal values. Boundaries protect what we value. If we don’t know what we value, we don’t know what to protect. For example, some of my core values include:
- God’s will above all else
- This value assures I will never compromise what God has spoken to me. Nothing and no one is more important to me than remaining in the will of God. This helps me to stand firm in the midst of the strongest adversity and refuse to compromise.
- Family is my 1st and most important ministry
- This value helps me to manage my time and invest my energy in the most intimate relationships God has entrusted me with.
- Love myself as God loves me, so I can better love others
- This value assures I take time for self-care, recognizing I am very important to God and will not be able to fulfill my calling unless I understand the value God has for me. This also helps me to better value and love all of His other children. (Mark 12:30-31)
- God’s will above all else
- My husband has his own values that guide and direct his life and relationships: time (he values those who reciprocate the amount of investment he puts into a relationship), transparency (honesty and openness), and honor for his family (those who don’t treat his family well will not build or maintain a relationship with him).
What are your core values? I encourage you to take time today to write down your top 3-5 values. Ask yourself if there is anywhere you have compromised on your values, and seek the Lord’s help in re-prioritizing your life and relationships.
2. Know YOUR Worth
- If you don’t see the value in yourself, no one else will either.
- Focus on who God says you are, not who the world says you are. There will always be people in your life that will try to tell you who you are. I have felt misunderstood most of my life. Even the people closest to me have thought (and said) the worst about me. If you listen to the other voices in your life, you will never embrace your true identity. Whether the world around you sees your value or not, God holds you in the highest regard. Meditate on and declare His value over yourself daily so that you may fully comprehend your value to Him! Here are just a few Truths to stand on:
- I have been created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27)
- I am a child of God (1 John 3:1)
- I am a friend of God (John 15:15)
- I am royalty (1 Peter 2:9, Romans 8:17)
- I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)
3. Re-Evaluate the Relationships in Your Life
- Now that your values and your worth are clear, it’s time to evaluate the relationships you currently have.
Make a list of all the relationships in your life. Then draw a set of expanding circles. God should be the innermost circle (if He isn’t, ask Him for forgiveness and help putting Him in the proper position in your life). The next closest circle should be for your spouse or closest relationship (there can only be one person in this spot). After that should be your children, close family or friends. Move outward from there and place people where they currently are in your life, and draw arrows to indicate where you desire for them to be. For some, you may want them closer. This requires a commitment from you to invest more time and be more vulnerable and transparent with them. For others, you may need to move them to an outer circle. For more on healthy boundaries, I encourage you to read Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk! It will transform your life and relationships!
I recently took the time to reevaluate the relationships in my own life. I realized the value I had for others was not always reciprocated. I had surrounded myself with people who thought the worst of me instead of the best, and over time, that had taken a significant emotional toll on me. Where I should have been built up and encouraged, I was running dry from constantly trying to prove myself. They unintentionally magnified my shortcomings and minimized my strengths.
Since reprioritizing my relationships, I have experienced amazing peace and restoration of joy. I have learned from my mistakes and am now being very intentional with the time and energy I choose to invest into relationships. In my final post of this series, I will share keys for cultivating kingdom relationships.
I’d love to hear some of your values or the Truths about your identity that remind you of your worth! Be sure to comment below! And don’t forget to share this post on social media to help spread the word!
Blessings,
Katie
