In Part 1 of this series, I shared 3 warning signs of toxic relationships. In Part 2, I set a foundation for healthy boundaries. Today, I will provide keys for cultivating kingdom relationships.

Let’s begin by defining kingdom relationships.

Kingdom relationships are relationships that help you to advance the kingdom of God, and strengthen you along your journey.

God designed us to be relational. We were never meant to go through life alone. God created Eve for Adam; Moses had Aaron and Joshua; there were Elijah and Elisha; Paul and Timothy, and Jesus had his 12 disciples (in upcoming posts I will share how to discern your Joshua from your Judas). Throughout the Bible, there are stories of men and women of God who had significant impact on one another. There are times where the relationships propelled them into their destinies, and others where the relationships brought destruction (Samson & Delilah, Barnabas and Mark, Ananias and Sapphira). So what can we learn from them?

3 Keys for Cultivating Kingdom Relationships

1. Be suspicious of relationships (in a good way)

God often has a purpose for the relationships you encounter. I once had a pastor tell me to be suspicious of relationships. He did not mean to be mistrusting. His point was that when there is a connection between you and someone else, God usually has a reason for the relationship. It is important to be aware of relational connections. Cultivate those relationships. You never know how the Lord may use them throughout your life. I could write an entire book filled with testimonies of how the Lord has used (and continues to use) various relationships to propel me and my family into our destiny.

It is important to recognize that divine relationships don’t often make sense in the natural. The people who have had the greatest impact in our lives are people who are very different from us. Don’t allow differences to distance you from kingdom relationships.

Differences should strengthen, not separate us.

Katie J Trent

2. Remain faithful, even when others aren’t

Through the past decade of ministering and counseling others, I have found that very few people have experienced any consistently healthy relationships. Most have seen what NOT to do in relationships, but few have experienced healthy, kingdom relationships. We cannot expect people to do what they have not seen. We must extend GREAT GRACE and be willing to GROW TOGETHER!

Forgive others when they hurt you. Model honor and respect in relationships even when others don’t. (Refer to Part 2 of this series if you are struggling to set healthy boundaries in unhealthy relationships) [Matthew 5:44]

If a relationship is important to you, remain steadfast in loving them and communicating respectfully. We have had many relationships (family, friends, co-workers, church) where people did not understand or respect our boundaries. No matter how many times they tried to cross our boundaries or engage in toxic behaviors, we stood firm. We continued to model what healthy, covenant relationships look like. Some relationships transformed quickly, and others we are still working on, but each one is worth the investment. Even the relationships too toxic to hold onto, we continue to pray for. We desire restoration and hope they come to a place where they are ready, willing, and committed to rebuilding the relationship with us as well.

3. Don’t allow the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy your relationships

Relationships take commitment. You must invest time and energy into them if you want to cultivate healthy relationships.

Don’t allow offense to rob you of relationships! You will feel hurt, misunderstood, betrayed, etc. frequently in relationships. Oftentimes, it is merely an issue of perspective or misinterpretation of actions, words or motives. The enemy loves nothing more than destroying covenant relationships, because relationships are essential to fulfilling our purpose on earth.

Fight for your relationships!

Don’t allow your feelings to rob you of fellowship! Some of my closest and best relationships are ones where there were misunderstandings and struggles initially. Through commitment and communication, they have been transformed into the strongest relationships, which have withstood the test of time and distance.

Forgiveness is talked about over 100 times (depending on your translation) in the Bible. It is essential to cultivating kingdom relationships.

Jesus tells us to forgive 70×7 in a day because the reality is people will hurt you, repeatedly! You must forgive them and continue moving forward, otherwise you imprison yourself in hurt and hatred.

Even if the other person is not sorry…even if the behavior is repeated…even if they are intentionally trying to hurt you…your job is to forgive! I love the way the Message version illustrates this concept:

^38-42 “Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

^43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. – Matthew 5:38-47 MSG

I encourage you to take some time this week to write out a list of your closest covenant (kingdom) relationships. Invest in them this month. Go deeper. Also think of everyone you know. Is there anyone the Lord would highlight for you to begin to cultivate a kingdom relationship with? Invite them over. Get to know one another. You will only get out of relationships what you are willing to put in. Also ask yourself if there is anyone you need to fight for? Any misunderstandings that you need to clear up? Be the bigger person. Humble yourself and seek reconciliation!

I’d love to hear your testimonies of how you have been impacted by this series! Leave a comment below! Also, don’t forget to click the share button to share the link to this blog on social media and encourage your friends and family!

Blessings,

Katie

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